Destiny
Ok. I'm one of those people who swore she wouldn't reveal anything substantive about herself via her blog. Don't ask why...I'm just weird that way.
But, I'm making an exception because I just read a spectacular article that I feel the need to share. The article is entitled "Running From Law Firms" and discusses the epidemic of young associates leaving "lucrative" jobs for other opportunities.
This hits home for me because it is the first time I have ever seen/hear/read someone so poignantly describe how I feel about my chosen career. The career I chose for myself in the 3rd grade nonetheless.
I graduated from law school in 2002 and worked for a judge for 2 years...which was the type of job I imagined I would work when, at the vaulted age of 7, I told my parents I was going to be a lawyer. I was helping people. They were calling me for advice. It was great. Then I was told that we weren't to give other people advice. Our job was to assist people procedurally...not to represent them. "That's not our job." The complaints were the same and no one seemed to be listening. Slowly, I began to become jaded.
At the end of my clerkship I took a job as a litigation associate at a small local firm. It was a "dream," get into court right away and gain experience that the associates at big firms wouldn't get for 5-10 years. I thought I was being smart -- that I would avoid the pitfalls by choosing a smaller operation. I spent my first day in court within 2 weeks of being at the firm. I was excited, exhilarated, and nervous as hell. When I came out of there with my life and career intact, I thought, "I can do this."
But then it began. The Antidote started wondering why I was never home. The worst part...I wasn't making anywhere near the big firm salary referred to in the article. I was working like a dog...for the pleasure of it?! Some partners at my firm kept stroking my ego telling me all the good things I wanted to hear about my performance. Others acted as if I had the plague. Apparently I'd been "marked" by one of the partners as "his associate." Everyone else had to "go through him" to give me work. I began to feel a little less like an employee and a little more like a gun for hire.
One day I heard our staff talking about one of the female partners. Not one to ever eschew gossip...I butted in. They told me that this woman's children had placed a note on her car telling her they "missed her" because she was never home.
My heart broke and my bubble burst. Was this to be my destiny? Is this what I signed up for?
When I was in law school, I had these lofty goals of "helping people." I didn't know what that meant, but I knew I wanted to do it.
As I plugged away at an ever increasing case load I realized that most of my clients didn't want to be helped. Several hated the fact that they needed me or hated the fact that they were engaged in a lawsuit at all (I did defense work, so most of my clients were dragged in by someone else). Even though I was "helping them," they hated me for it. One top of that, I'm spending more time away from home -- and always talking about work when I am home. Add that to the opposing counsel that thinks it's appropriate to call me "little girl" or "honey," or to denigrate me because I didn't have "all the experience" they had. I came home in tears most days.
I finally wisened up and to The Antidote's pleasure, started looking for another job. I ended up accepting to a position with the federal government. I have to admit, it's pretty great here. My benefits rock and the amount of stress has decreased about 100-fold. My hours are, pretty much, my own.
But the curse of the lawyer continues. I do work for an agency that employs mostly lawyers. So, of course, we have a "production goal" to meet. I just started in September and already one employee has been "encouraged to leave" because of her bad quality/production (at least that's what the grapevine tells me), and I've heard that others have "been warned."
So, as much as I actually enjoy what I'm doing now, I still wonder: "Is this my destiny?"
Read the article when you can. Even though it's talking about lawyers and law firms, I think the author may have captured what a lot of people in my generation are feeling about their jobs. There's no simple answer...but you have to decide if you're going to control your destiny or if it's going to control you.
But, I'm making an exception because I just read a spectacular article that I feel the need to share. The article is entitled "Running From Law Firms" and discusses the epidemic of young associates leaving "lucrative" jobs for other opportunities.
This hits home for me because it is the first time I have ever seen/hear/read someone so poignantly describe how I feel about my chosen career. The career I chose for myself in the 3rd grade nonetheless.
I graduated from law school in 2002 and worked for a judge for 2 years...which was the type of job I imagined I would work when, at the vaulted age of 7, I told my parents I was going to be a lawyer. I was helping people. They were calling me for advice. It was great. Then I was told that we weren't to give other people advice. Our job was to assist people procedurally...not to represent them. "That's not our job." The complaints were the same and no one seemed to be listening. Slowly, I began to become jaded.
At the end of my clerkship I took a job as a litigation associate at a small local firm. It was a "dream," get into court right away and gain experience that the associates at big firms wouldn't get for 5-10 years. I thought I was being smart -- that I would avoid the pitfalls by choosing a smaller operation. I spent my first day in court within 2 weeks of being at the firm. I was excited, exhilarated, and nervous as hell. When I came out of there with my life and career intact, I thought, "I can do this."
But then it began. The Antidote started wondering why I was never home. The worst part...I wasn't making anywhere near the big firm salary referred to in the article. I was working like a dog...for the pleasure of it?! Some partners at my firm kept stroking my ego telling me all the good things I wanted to hear about my performance. Others acted as if I had the plague. Apparently I'd been "marked" by one of the partners as "his associate." Everyone else had to "go through him" to give me work. I began to feel a little less like an employee and a little more like a gun for hire.
One day I heard our staff talking about one of the female partners. Not one to ever eschew gossip...I butted in. They told me that this woman's children had placed a note on her car telling her they "missed her" because she was never home.
My heart broke and my bubble burst. Was this to be my destiny? Is this what I signed up for?
When I was in law school, I had these lofty goals of "helping people." I didn't know what that meant, but I knew I wanted to do it.
As I plugged away at an ever increasing case load I realized that most of my clients didn't want to be helped. Several hated the fact that they needed me or hated the fact that they were engaged in a lawsuit at all (I did defense work, so most of my clients were dragged in by someone else). Even though I was "helping them," they hated me for it. One top of that, I'm spending more time away from home -- and always talking about work when I am home. Add that to the opposing counsel that thinks it's appropriate to call me "little girl" or "honey," or to denigrate me because I didn't have "all the experience" they had. I came home in tears most days.
I finally wisened up and to The Antidote's pleasure, started looking for another job. I ended up accepting to a position with the federal government. I have to admit, it's pretty great here. My benefits rock and the amount of stress has decreased about 100-fold. My hours are, pretty much, my own.
But the curse of the lawyer continues. I do work for an agency that employs mostly lawyers. So, of course, we have a "production goal" to meet. I just started in September and already one employee has been "encouraged to leave" because of her bad quality/production (at least that's what the grapevine tells me), and I've heard that others have "been warned."
So, as much as I actually enjoy what I'm doing now, I still wonder: "Is this my destiny?"
Read the article when you can. Even though it's talking about lawyers and law firms, I think the author may have captured what a lot of people in my generation are feeling about their jobs. There's no simple answer...but you have to decide if you're going to control your destiny or if it's going to control you.
You were poisoned by Curare_Z at 9:50 AM
9 Death Spasms:
What do they call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start... :p
Sorry, couldn't help myself; we've been dealing a lot lately with the lawyer handling my mother's estate, and it hasn't been a pleasant experience.
I admire you for grabbing life by the short hairs and taking control. I only wish I could have done that 20 years ago...
Wow, I know a few lawyers myself. In fact my good buddy from third grade is a lawyer. I hear from him what it's like to work the crazy hours he does. I'm happy to learn he now has a girlfriend, but before that I assumed his firm was sucking his social life out of him. Thanks for sharing your take on this.
Congrats on making the correct choice: life over someone else's definition of success.
You rock.
-- david
The trick is to find something that you feel passionate about, and still make a living. It's not an easy thing to do.
Great post Curare,
I, like you,am questioning the shape of my future right now.
Thanks for the recent comments, and I'm back online again, so I'll be coming to visit with greater frequency.
Ben
Don't doubt yourself. In the end, work is just a means to an end (did that sound like "allow myself to introduce myself"??).
Work can have good days and bad days. This is of course why they call it work, and why they have to pay you to come in each day.
So long as work allows you to enjoy life (which includes more than just work, one hopes), you'll always be rich. And richness doesn't have to be measured in money. Richness is best measured by your (not someone elses) impression of your life.
Choose to be a slave to the billable hour or the courtroom and yes, you'll make lots of money...eventually. But choose life and regardless of your job, you'll always be rich.
...waxing poetic reference inserted here...
So yes, this is your destiny, for now. Don't doubt yourself, let others do that for you!
And INTRODUCING: THE ANTIDOTE!!!!
Do you all see why I love him so much. ;-)
Thanks for all your comments...I guess my new motto is, "sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!"
And Ben -- WELCOME BACK!!!
I sometimes question my judgement on taking a management position. When I was a supervisor on the production floor and the shift ended, I never looked in my rearview mirror. But now I am chained to a cell phone and 2:00 a.m. phonecalls and on Sunday afternoon aren't exceptions but the general rule.
Sorry to unload that but your post brought it to my mind. I hope that you find the questions that you are asking to your liking. I will keep searching for mine.
Fuzz: I hear you loud and clear. No matter what the decision, I guess you've got to deal with the consequences. That's what's so frustrating when there is no "right" answer!
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