Better Off Dead
I'm a pop culture nut. In particular, stuff from the 80s. Totally in line with this love for the 80s is the fact that some people have told the Antidote he looks like John Cusack. I see a mild resemblance in that they are both male.
No seriously, maybe when the Antidote was younger...but now he looks like Andre Agassi. Yum.
Anyway -- back to my point -- the title of this post is NOT refering to the 80s movie Better Off Dead, which IS a classic. Instead, I was thinking it fits the innermost thoughts of a 17 year old boy stuck with a deadbeat mom and her boyfriend. See, the boyfriend, with mom acting as a co-conspirator, wrote a
fake obituary for her son and sent it to the local newspaper just to get some more time off from work. If you click on the link, you can even read the obit.
Now, I'm not saying that I haven't called my boss and been: *cough* *cough* sick *cough* *cough*: for a day or two. And I'm certainly not saying that I haven't been sick enough to feel like death warmed over (damn that 4th martini)...But I certainly have not reported the death of a loved one in order to go galavanting to Walmart.
At least I assume that's what this klassy mom and her boyfriend were doing with all this free time.
The mom tried to make things better by telling a newspaper that "the fake obituary was caused by "bad communication" and that [her boyfriend] submitted the obituary after she told him her son was ill and she had joked about his death."
Yeah -- because your son dying is funny. Real funny.
This poor kid -- he probably want's his $2...and a new family.
No seriously, maybe when the Antidote was younger...but now he looks like Andre Agassi. Yum.
Anyway -- back to my point -- the title of this post is NOT refering to the 80s movie Better Off Dead, which IS a classic. Instead, I was thinking it fits the innermost thoughts of a 17 year old boy stuck with a deadbeat mom and her boyfriend. See, the boyfriend, with mom acting as a co-conspirator, wrote a
fake obituary for her son and sent it to the local newspaper just to get some more time off from work. If you click on the link, you can even read the obit.
Now, I'm not saying that I haven't called my boss and been: *cough* *cough* sick *cough* *cough*: for a day or two. And I'm certainly not saying that I haven't been sick enough to feel like death warmed over (damn that 4th martini)...But I certainly have not reported the death of a loved one in order to go galavanting to Walmart.
At least I assume that's what this klassy mom and her boyfriend were doing with all this free time.
The mom tried to make things better by telling a newspaper that "the fake obituary was caused by "bad communication" and that [her boyfriend] submitted the obituary after she told him her son was ill and she had joked about his death."
Yeah -- because your son dying is funny. Real funny.
This poor kid -- he probably want's his $2...and a new family.
You were poisoned by Curare_Z at 5:27 AM
8 Death Spasms:
I tried this "he's dead" trick once with a girlfriend that was a bit too clingy. And, more disturbingly, a bit too fond of throwing mirrors across the room at David Amulet.
So I faked my own death, supposedly at the hands of a disgruntled haberdasher.
It worked like a charm, too.
Until one Mr. Dennis Amulet -- a dead-ringer for the deceased -- started appearing regularly at the same local haunts that his apparent twin David had frequented before his untimely demise. And, naturally, the mirror-hurler still stalked those places, looking for her favorite ex-target.
To my surprise, she didn't buy the Dennis part. So, as mirrors began flying, I turned tail and ran. Fearing for my life, I moved to a rural commune in Wisconsin.
And became a haberdasher. But that's another story.
-- david
I thought it rather telling that the last line of the obit directed memorials to the family.
On a somewhat related story last year we had an employee mysteriously call in for the death of a grandmother five times in a six month span. That is one tragic family.
Sheesh...what people will do to play hooky from work. I'm trying to imagine the look on the kid's face as he's reading his own obituary.
I'm sure plenty of parents joke about their children dying. That's probably why they don't get visitation.
DA: mirror-hurlers. We all know at least one, don't we. How did the haberdasher allegedly kill you? By sewing you closed with buttons? Or by burying you in a mountain of clothes?
Fuzz: I thought the same thing. I wonder if they got any $$ out of it. That would make this even worse. And the guy with 5 grandmothers? Man, that's a big family. ;-)
Phoenix: I'm not sure the kid CAN read, based on his parentage.
I tried calling in dead to work once, but they recognized my voice.
Seriously though, this "mother"(and I use the term loosely) and her beau need to be put away for a long time.
That movie has one of the best lines ever. That two buck quote is great humor. I still say it to this very day.
I myself have used the death excuse but not gone to the length of writing an obituary. Lately I prefer the hemriods excuse noone questions it and if they I will just show them my ass then sue for sexual hairassment.
Bruce: HA HA. You should've had someone call in FOR you! :-)
Egan: I know. That's one of my FAVORITE lines of all time. That and, "[N]ow that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy, like that."
Dan: I like that excuse. I don't think they avoid asking because of sexual harrassment though...I think they avoid asking to avoid getting sick.
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